Birthday

26. I never expected to get to this age, really, but what depresses me the most is that, because of my education, I unconsciously thought that the world was going to end some day during my life. the casual reader wouldn’t probably understand this as I wrote it, but many others that were caught by certain cults in early age might recognize it as their own experience.

Dispair, panic, sexual and social problems, depression, god complex, confusion, loneliness, magical thinking, are all symptoms of those who once opened their eyes and understood that they were brainwashed (dubbed like some use to say) by some conscienceless religion or cult. That’s the legacy of a free America: deseased christian people. If a good psychologist wouldn’t say better, I would be here pointing to a new mind desease, perhaps akin to Stockolm Syndrome, where the dubbed submit loyally to an organization who claims it has the Truth.

Some will keep saying “it’s your fault for permitting it” but being educated like that since a small child, isn’t really much of a choice is it?

In the end it all actually determined all my problems and my fate. If you still think you can guide your life as you want, think again. You’re the product of what you are taught, by words and actions. The product of what you do and your failures and your sucesses. I read on a certain commentary that I can’t take out the foundations of a castle and place others, I can only construct on the ones I have.

And as hopeful as that might seem, that a beautiful construction might arise over a seemly awful foundations, you can’t do anything alone.

Aside from that I think I feel like in a certain letter from Gabriel Garcia Marquez:

“If for an instant God were to forget that I am rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life(…) I wouldn’t let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them.I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.”

~ by Anima Within on Monday, 28 January 2008.