A Life All Mine

“Razor sharp I cut
The bull from my life
Too blunt your knife
To slay this dreamerWe might be dogs astray
No running line will hold us
So rather kick and kill me
I’ll be butchered all the same

No words are spoken
But the world is broken

‘Cause I want something
Something all wrong done
A life instead of mere living
Folding crumbling withering oh hell
What difference when working the way

The crown of my work
Is what I shall gain
At the end of my days

Daylight awake to a puppet world
No strings attach to this body of mine
Folding crumbling withering oh well
The punished pushed along the line
All my actions, all my moves
A life all mine to lose

The crown of my work
A life all mine to lose
A life all mine
Is what I choose
At the end of my days”

[Trickster G & Anneke van Giersbergen]

Birthday

26. I never expected to get to this age, really, but what depresses me the most is that, because of my education, I unconsciously thought that the world was going to end some day during my life. the casual reader wouldn’t probably understand this as I wrote it, but many others that were caught by certain cults in early age might recognize it as their own experience.

Dispair, panic, sexual and social problems, depression, god complex, confusion, loneliness, magical thinking, are all symptoms of those who once opened their eyes and understood that they were brainwashed (dubbed like some use to say) by some conscienceless religion or cult. That’s the legacy of a free America: deseased christian people. If a good psychologist wouldn’t say better, I would be here pointing to a new mind desease, perhaps akin to Stockolm Syndrome, where the dubbed submit loyally to an organization who claims it has the Truth.

Some will keep saying “it’s your fault for permitting it” but being educated like that since a small child, isn’t really much of a choice is it?

In the end it all actually determined all my problems and my fate. If you still think you can guide your life as you want, think again. You’re the product of what you are taught, by words and actions. The product of what you do and your failures and your sucesses. I read on a certain commentary that I can’t take out the foundations of a castle and place others, I can only construct on the ones I have.

And as hopeful as that might seem, that a beautiful construction might arise over a seemly awful foundations, you can’t do anything alone.

Aside from that I think I feel like in a certain letter from Gabriel Garcia Marquez:

“If for an instant God were to forget that I am rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life(…) I wouldn’t let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them.I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.”

Welcome back my love - Letter 5

And what you hold on to when there’s nothing left for you to hold? to me? We have to stop this madness. Why have you come back while still a mortal? You were the one who said first that you wanted this challenge of being mortal. It looks like to me that you lost your way.

May I remind you that there, you are a human and at the same time, a half-god. You are pagan to the christians. You are atheist to pagans and christian to atheists. You are a box of wisdom to the ignorants and a ignorant to the wise. You are depressed to the happy and a pillar of strenght to the depressed. You are everything and you went there to show them everything so that they would be complete once more and restore the ancient light of the humans. That was the objective of the game. Don’t take it too seriously.

If you want to quit, fine. but then don’t come saying that it was a stupid game.

I’m coming my love. I’m coming.

Welcome back my love - Answer 2

I am so tired. So tired of everything. So tired of being invisible. So tired of this fucking loneliness. I’m so tired. I can’t even properly express myself anymore. Language is leaving me, like that music used to say. I am burned out, the keys flow of my fingers and tears fall reluctant. My instincts tell me to hold you dearly and cry. I can’t hold you. Why can’t I hold you?

I can feel you. you’re just there standing near me, but I can’t hold you. I wish you were of flesh. At least we would be together one last time. You would smite my loneliness with a glance. You would teach me new things and we would talk about all those strange things that human life is. As far as my madness goes, I can see how childish I am behaving.

I decayed my dear and now, what is here sitting in my seat and strucking these keys? Isn’t it anything but a wretched poet longing to die and unite himself with his eternal love?

Everything is gone, can’t you see? Everything is gone except this shade of you.

I call you once more. Please answer as soon as possible,

with love,

Welcome back my love - Answer 1

I am still here helpless in the darkness, but I feel and hold your hand. You’re the warmest thing I found in my life. How ironic for me, being part human, to love a goddess, isn’t it? Your lips are still hot with the promises of love I made and I still feel your arms around, telling me I’m safe.

But they have broken me at birth. Like a rare and fine vase I was broken. They couldn’t handle me, please don’t be angry with them. We need to focus on the damage and think of a way to repair it. I need you my dearest. I really need you. Please let me hold you once more.

What do I feel? I feel tired. Very tired and sleepy. This never ends. You are right about me not being able to contain myself in my own body. It’s too weak. I need to spread out. I want to blow out and spread myself through the world. I want to tell them that we are real and that we broke the rules and won this shitty game that life is.

Oh my goddess, I broke the rules. Our love wasn’t supposed to be real here while I am mortal… but it is. That’s what I feel.

Ease my pain: say you love me and that it will be all right.

Taboos in Science by Dr. Dean Radin

If you have 20 minutes and are interested in any form of Parapsycology (or if you are a skeptic) you should see this:

Taboos in Science

Probably one of the most lucid scientists in this field.

Notes about the Mind / Matter Connection

In order to extend knowledge of parapsychology, I am compiling a list of current problems and victories of the current understanding of Psychokinesis(PK) in parapsychology. As I said before, I’m a proponent of Psychokinesis. I not only believe it, but I do know about it. Unfortunally, the study of psychokinesis still belongs to the fringes of science and its mechanism is quite unknown to Man.

Psychokinesis Notes on a philosophical/scientific method prespective:

1) The problem of causality

When psychokinesis occurs, i.e. some object moves due to intent or some Random Event Generator (REG) syncronizes with the intent, we assume that it changes due to the effect of the mind over the matter. The problem is that we don’t know this and we need to stay open to new hypothesis about what exactly causes this anomalous behaviour in the matter. Psychokinesis might be caused by a biological effect triggered by your intent and willpower, but It might not be directly related. This is important in situations where only the subject’s subconscious makes the intent. Of course, also the subconscious is a structure hardly understood by psychologists. Because of this problem, some parapsychologists call the effect Anomalous Perturbation.

Moreover, if the Universe encodes its space with discreet variables and is not continuous, then time will also be discreet. There are certain findings (in neurobiology) that agree that time and memory are not encoded continously in our brains. The unidirectional forward arrow of time only exists in our conscious mind. This of course is not the case of our subconscious mind and there is a hint this may not be the case of the Universe. So if Psychokinesis is an effect messing with more fundamental properties of the Universe, we may have to consider  indirect causation. An intent for afecting matter right now may affect it yesterday or tomorrow. Yes, I did say yesterday.

2) Micro PK and Macro PK

Everyone and I mean really everyone can affect microscopic or quantum events. Everyone that I know that tried to influence a dice could achieve it with strong statistical significance. REGs are also well documented and have significant results. I think this is a reasonable victory in the demonstration of PK effects. Macroscopic effects are rarer. Although, the demonstrations of Jack Houck and his PK parties might be what we’re looking for. Houck’s findings stands (for me of course) as evidence of Macro PK until someone finds a hoax (but I don’t fully agree with his philosophical proposition of psi functioning). I hope I can try the PK Party experience in a near future.

3) The problem of Evolution

To consider a materialistic view of PK, we have to find the structures of the brain that intervene in it. Unfortunally no one knows where the Mind is, let alone PK. Everyone might agree with me that is difficult to control PK effects. Even when it works, it might stop working in the next moment or it might endure much more time than we foresaw. This control gets better with use and training, so this is a hint that if PK effects can get better with training, it also can get worse with not training. Think for example what is needed to move a small rock. Mankind and other animals may have had better neural structures to execute PK in the past, but they may have got athrophied because it is much more easier to affect things with your physical body (i.e. moving a rock with your hands). The physical body is much more natural than your mind. Animals have been using it for millions of years and the conscious mind is a recent development in the biology of earthly creatures. This evolutive heritage of the use of physical body and not the mind may weight a lot when it comes down to make displays of PK.

Psychokinesis Notes on a social perspective:

1) Is PK a thing of the uneducated?

There are many illiterate skeptics that shout out loud that only uneducated people believe in PK. Well, Professor Radin once said that PK is much more popular with the illiterate than with the well educated. And it is true, I agree. But, many parapsychologists have a life-time of study. Parapsychology is a very hard field because it is too interdisciplinary and some scientists look into all the fields of knowledge. Althou many parapsychologists refrain from the study of PK (and focus on ESP), those who are into it have to have an incredible knowledge base and a varied team to work with. Parapsychology is far from being only a thing of illusionists, hoaxers and illiterate. Illiterate are those who think that current science is written in stone and believe what other (better) scientists tell them.

2) The eye of the beholder

Most hard skeptics believe that PK have never been demonstrated and frequently say that the unclaimed Randi Prize is a proof of this. But what I want to bring attention here is not whether PK is true or not, but the actual method for reasoning about PK (and for parapsychology in general). Skeptics are good for science, but their utility ceases exactly when all demonstrations (hoax or not) serves them the only purpose to show how PK is inexistent or absurd.

Several social experiments have been made to show this phenomenon. When presented with a hoax as real evidence, many skeptics will find incredible explanations to discredit the effect and many believers will find incredible explanations to support the effect. In the end, the authors of the hoax always find that everybody are wrong about the functioning of the effect. This is lethal to scientific progress. Unfortunaly, nearly all skeptics I’ve found, fall into this trap. Assuming what an effect is by what it looks like is unaceptable.

 3) Function is not equal to Causation

One of the most used arguments used by skeptics is that if they can reproduce the effect by trick, then the effect is a trick. I personally find this argument quite absurd, but it is used frequently. A mouse is not equal to a robotic mouse, but they may do the same thing. Some day, automatons may be, act and look like humans, but automatons will never be humans. You can use the same analogy with an effect for which you don’t know the cause. Two similar effects might or might not have the same cause or conjunction of causes.

Welcome back my love - Letter 3

All suns born, burn, grow and die, eventually. You are a sun that born, grew, but never burned. You’re just spinning there in the same old place. sitting on a gravity well and waiting for a unknown power to tap you. Both a star and a seed, you never knew what is to burn or sprout, love or be loved.

It depresses me seeing you like that. The keys flow off my fingers and tears fall reluctant. It depresses me that I am the one writing and not you. You can’t raise an arm anymore. You can’t fight anymore. Stop acting like a doll please.

I sent you to humans healthy and you returned broken, that’s what I feel. What do you feel? What do you feel? How could they turn you into that lifeless rag you are now?

I am coming to save you, you idiot. Don’t you die on me.

Welcome back my love - Letter 2

Since you accepted me it seems that your depression is gone. Though your anxiety seems heightened, I still think we are better together. I don’t see your point in running and thinking it will all be over soon. You’re not going to die, I hope, and If you do, I’ll be there to guide you. How much more bridges will you burn before you realize you need to live?

You and I, are destined to greatness. There’s too much to tell others before you go again. You can’t just contain yourself, can you? You can’t contain yourself inside that weak body, but I was just like you when young. You think nothing can stop you, that you need no one, but you do, and I’m the very last ‘thing’ left. Live free for me young mortal, and your blessings will be much more than you would expect. Living free, of course, means to project yourself outside and blind everyone around, becoming a small god, be desired instead of desiring. The world will at least be able to contain more of yourself than your body.

Don’t just explode. These rocks is what sustains life in this planet, take out the solid ground and everything else dies. Everyone take these rocks for granted, but they are inbued with extreme power. The power of life. I am like these rocks, and you would do good to be it too.

The golden mean as a clock cycle for brainwaves

In the publication Chaos, Solitons & Fractals 18 (2003), Harald Weiss and Wolkmar Weiss published the most interesting scientific paper I ever read. I confess I didn’t understand all of it, it’s too interdisciplinary for me, but the proposition is most interesting. The abstract reads:

The principle of information coding by the brain seems to be based on the golden mean.  Since decades psychologists have claimed memory span to be the missing link between psychometric intelligence and cognition. By applying Bose-Einstein-statistics to learning experiments, Pascual-Leone obtained a fit between predicted and tested span. Multiplying span by mental speed (bits processed per unit time) and using the entropy formula for bosons, we obtain the same result. If we understand span as the quantum number n of a harmonic oscillator, we obtain this result from the EEG. The metric of brain waves can always be understood as a superposition of n harmonics times 2 F, where half of the fundamental is the golden mean F (= 1.61 as the point of resonance. Such wave packets scaled in powers of the golden mean have to be understood as numbers with directions, where bifurcations occur at the edge of chaos, i.e. 2 F  = 3+ f³. Similarities with El Naschie’s theory for high energy particle’s physics are also discussed.

They used statistical mechanics used in quantum effects to model the distribution of learning and found staggering similarities with the results of other scientists. This paper suggests that short term memory span is related to intelligence, brain processing speed and age (more short term memory span is indicator of greater intelligence and processing speed). No only related, but as the driving quantum measure for the shape of brainwaves. Mapping the variance of this memory span as an oscillator, the fundamental harmonic was found to be 2Phi (Phi being 1.6180339…)

Incredibly this has been gaining strenght with other experiments:

“The distribution of the time elapsed between two consecutives spikes in the firing response of visual cortex neurons has been studied in cat [40] and macaque [41]. The distribution of time intervals clearly follows a power law over several orders of magnitude. In both experiments the exponent of the time separating two firings was roughly equal to 1.60 ( » F).”

[40] Koch C. Computation and the single neuron. Nature, 1997; 385:207-210

[41] Papa ARR, Da Silva L. Earthquakes in the brain. Theory in Biosciences, 1997, 116: 321-327

The brainwaves having a fundamental harmonic of 2Phi, implies that all other harmonics are infinitesimals or multiples of Phi, including the resonant frequencies which are powers of 2Phi/2. Even more, the brain can use powers of the golden section or the infinite Fibonacci word for its coding.

This paper also refers the idea that universe is a Cantorian space-time (a certain type of fractal), developed by El Naschie. Fractals have fractional dimensions called Hausdorff dimension (not 1, 2 or 3, but for example 1.5138…) and this specific Cantor space-time proposed by El Naschie, barely touches full chaos, it is stable on the route to chaos, and has an Hausdorff dimension of a certain power of the golden mean which is (1 + f)³

(f being 0.6180339…)

I do really believe that the golden mean is as important in the universe as it seems to be and that this universe is a simple dynamic fractal. It is at these moments that I hit myself for not paying any attention to math and physics classes =)